fan is blowing the grey of today in through my window
i've been hiding underneath this blanket all day now
much too afraid to get up and face the reality of it all
black sleeping bag and pillows to help cushion my fall

Stray Cat Freedom.

slide open the window above my bed
i feel my ribs clenched like a fist around
my lungs, mercilessly choking vital organs
heart is in my throat, sick of swallowing pills
i blow it out in puffs of smoke, tangible shapes
town surrounding, i find nothing to keep me here
hear music of crickets over a darkened landscape
dear yet despondent, i find nothing to keep me here

hear a cat's faint cry from a neighboring block
i wonder what he's saying, wonder what he'd say
if he could communicate, find words to speak to me
i'd tell him that i have never needed anyone or anything
so badly as i need her, i find nothing to keep me here
i'd tell him that i long to have his stray cat freedom
yeah, if i could communicate, find words to speak

Drive.

There
is no
point
in
driving
when
I can't
go where
I want
to
be.

There
is no
point
in
anything.

Numb.

Trying
my
best
to
feel
numb.

Without Her.

Can't eat
Can't sleep
Can't breathe

Words.

sick to my stomach
from swallowing
my words all week
kitchen is empty
hungry to speak

Hair?

I like these two:

and

Her.

There
are
simply

no

words.

Rain.

Today was pretty stressful. I missed three days of haircutting and so I sort of expected as much going into it this morning with more caffeine in my bloodstream than is safe to try at home.

2 haircuts on my male mannequin and 2 cuts on a female mannequin. I've still got 3 to make up.. plus whatever else we're doing tomorrow, etc. 2 cuts on my left hand. Princess Band-Aids were, indeed, a good idea.

Mom picked me up. Usual bitching. Asked me why she'd get a voice mail message on her cell phone today from a lady in Toronto asking for me to call her back with details about what I'm looking for in school. Laughed at the idea of me moving to Canada after I graduate Empire in the spring. I sort of expected as much.

Future.

Dear Tia,

What the fuck is it you would like to do with your future?

Love,

Life.




I've got so many ideas. Work in a high end spa. Work in a high end salon. Work in a high end salon/spa. Platform artist for MAC. Platform artist for Cirque du Soleil. Product representative /make up artist for MAC. Make up artist. Stylist.

Fuck.

Thunderstorm.

It's raining outside.
Another thunderstorm.
I wish she was here.

Goals.

1. Driver's License.
2. Job.
3. Cell Phone.
4. Savings Account.

Seriously. I need to start getting shit accomplished. Now.

Oh, I'm also going to try really hard to blog daily.. so we'll see how that goes.